On the 4th of August, at 21:21, I start the first journal entry of my yoga training. I note that my body has been speaking to me since I arrived: it’s been hard to breathe and to sit still, there’s a lump in my throat and resentment in my back. I need to write these down. I need to remember how I feel, now, because it’s going to change drastically. Because I am seeing, living and feeling through a triple filter, brand new, unique, short-lived and only available in a limited edition of 1: that of the suffering from the break-up, the trip still boiling inside me and the yoga in intensive learning, in India, in a buddhist and hindu village in the Himalayas, with people from everywhere in the world!
I decide to give myself tools to help me heal and grow during this month.
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I will write a Heart, Body and Mind diary, to follow the evolution of my sadness, my physical aches and strength, and my spirituality;
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I will write a prayer every morning, to say thank you, send love all around and give an intention to my day;
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I will end each prayer with a smile and a power pause (and I’ll make it a rule to dance in the shower);
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I will write gratitudes every evening;
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I will write down every positive feedback I get, to warm up my little ego, cracked by the guilt.
I want to learn to be kinder to myself and to have a healthier routine. I want to find my way back to a sense of perpetual wonder. To judge myself less and be in relation with others in a more meaningful, mindful and centered way.
I am grateful for my sadness that means I have loved. I am grateful for my sadness that means I can still feel – the depression isn’t back. For all my memories with Michael and all the ways he helped me grow. Because he’s still here, and we can still be honest with each other, even if it hurts. For all the people I met traveling and the friendship that, I am sure, will last. For my friends from home and my family. For this Indian month, opening. For not giving up on coming. For the lovely people and the tasty food. For my body, functioning, and my mind, alive. For this pen and this notebook.
21:42
Finding Love at Home and Across the World 